Biggest week ever, and focus through some emotional turmoil

Great training week

On the training front, I haven't really got a lot to discuss - the chart down the bottom speaks for itself. It was a huge week, but the absolutely awesome thing is that I felt my body coped brilliantly with everything I threw at it. My mind is in a pretty good place too, despite some of the sadness and stress I've had to deal with this week.

Amazed to make it back to the city!

The absolute highlight of the week was my second "one way epic" of the prep. I went to the same place on the Hume Highway (Benalla) by train, but this was a 6.5 hr ride, rather than a 5 hr ride like last time. I estimated where I would end up (about Preston), and Pete was going to drive out there to meet me, then I could run around there for my 45 min run. As it happened, the tailwind was even better than last time, and I was pushing some decent power too, so I ended up in Richmond! As with the last one of these rides, I am under no kind of delusion that this makes me a 5h 30min Ironman cyclist! And it could be argued that I took a soft option by choosing to ride one way with a tailwind. BUT 6h 30min is the longest Ironman training ride I have done for a LONG time. I did it solo (more on my mental/emotional issues with that later) and the main positives I took from it were:
a) that I stayed REALLY upbeat the whole ride - no negative patches at all (remember - training the Ironman bike has been a hate/hate relationship for me in the past).
b) I had boundless energy, despite a big week of training. I feel like I've really got my nutrition (and hydration) dialed in. And I'm more and more convinced that the extra few kgs I'm carrying have benefited my training and recovery no end.
c) I felt awesome running off the bike. I haven't had a predominantly TT training ride (with very few stops) for a long time where I've felt that good running off the bike. I'm hoping the numbness issues I had on the run in IMNZ will stay away during the race in Kona.

My long run today was my longest duration since 2011, though not quite as far, as I'm nowhere near as fast as I was then! It went really well physically, and once I got going, I quite enjoyed it, but there was a lot of anxiety before the start (see below).

One note about my chest - I saw my physio, Cory on Wednesday and he's pretty certain I cracked a rib, since there is a lump on it, and that's where the pain is located. Fortunately I'm almost swimming normally now, and it only hurts on a really deep breath, or when I cough.

Fear of being lonely

I've always quite enjoyed being on my own at times. As a kid, I used to take myself off for hours on my own, riding my bike, or later my pony. But in training for triathlon, I get really anxious before some long sessions, and I know it stems from being lonely. Even when Pete is with me, if he's not chatting, I can tend to struggle when I'm left with my own thoughts. The tough times in races are never as difficult for me as those times in training when my head-space isn't good, and I'm on my own. 

Fortunately in this prep, although there have been more solo sessions than group ones, I have managed to deal with that anxiety better than ever before, which is a big step forward. Certainly having variety in my sessions (like the one way epics) helps. So do podcasts or music, but I think also I have gone into sessions with less expectation of pace than ever before, and that certainly makes a big difference to mindset.

Holding my sh$t together 

A couple of sad events recently had the potential to really throw me into turmoil. While I was in Townsville our 16yo beagle, Monty became very ill. Peter had to take him to be put to sleep in the middle of the night on Monday. He was absolutely devasted and was clearly grieving all week. 

Meanwhile, my mum (in the UK) was recently diagnosed with a tumour on her kidney and has been waiting to get a date for major surgery. She found out this week that this will be while I am in Kona.

Monty in 2001

I feel strange, and probably a little guilty for how I have reacted to all this happening. Yes, there have been tears, but I got back from Townsville and had to teach on Wednesday and Thursday. I just felt like allowing a "normal" emotional reaction would mean I would completely fall apart. So I guess I compartmentalised it all. I made a lot of lists of things to do this week, which is something, since I've been more relaxed that I don't do as often.
I got work done, got training done, took Monty's bed, blankets etc to the tip (Pete was in no state to do that). I also changed my flights from Hawaii so I can go straight to the UK. I will spend a few days with Pete in Honolulu first- mostly because I am seriously scared about the risk of DVT if I flew long haul too soon after the race.

And as I said to Pete; I just "had to hold my shit together".

It's interesting how major events like that can actually help you to focus. You stop stressing about minor things (like keeping the house tidy, or cooking "ideal" food) - we got takeaway Saturday and ate out Sunday. I just didn't have it in me to cook. 

And regarding the race: Ironman, and particularly Hawaii is the be-all and end-all of life for many people. But death and illness can give you some real perspective that can often be lost in the hype.

In 2011 before IM France, I was really ill with Giardiasis (amoebic dysentery) 4 weeks out. Just being well enough to start that race, I am sure led me to race with no pressure on myself, relish every second, and end up having the race of my life.

I lost my Grandmother and Uni friend Briony before Malaysia 2014. I also raced there with nothing but joy at being ABLE to do what I love.

And now Monty. I see Pete in so much emotional pain, and I think "what is a bit of loneliness while I am riding or running?" Similarly, my mum is anxious about being in pain after her op. She is the strongest woman I have ever met, and to hear her fears about pain breaks my heart. I wish I could be beside her when she wakes up, but mostly I wish I could take her pain on myself. When I race, I CHOOSE to take on pain, and push through it. Not everyone can make that choice. I will remember that when I am racing in paradise, no matter how tough it will get.

3 weeks to go

The week's numbers

This week the red and yellows are EXTRA kms, not less!!